My Reaction to Every Game of Mario Kart I’ve Ever Played

From TheHardTimes.Net,

RALEIGH, N.C. — A lead change occurred in the final lap of the Rainbow Road Grand Prix last night during what was supposed to be a friendly game of Mario Kart amongst friends, when a blue spiny shell struck the leading racer mere inches from the finish. The driver, Marty Witten, fell from first place to last before creeping over the finish line.

“Fuck shit goddamn motherfucking ass shit fuck,” said a visibly perturbed Witten, who had led the entire race before the shell struck. “Fuck fuck fuck I hate this stupid bullshit game AHHHHH!”

. . .

“Fucking OP bullshit is what they are,” Witten added. “Why in the fucking heck should I even try to do well, when some goddamn motherfucker is gonna just gonna shoot that shit into my shit?”

TheHardTimes.Net: Blizzard Launches Restaurant . . .

LOL.

Blizzard Launches Restaurant With Shitty Servers

. . . 

“The servers here are awful, just the worst,” said diner Richard Hall to reporters. “They’re sluggish, inattentive, and probably worst of all, they’re just not willing to improve at all. The biggest tragedy is the food here is actually really great. This could be the best place in town if the front of the house could get their heads out of their asses.”