Two items on the front page of the hometown rag, the Kalamazoo Gazette, left Lisa and I scratching our heads over lunch.
First, the other day a dismembered body was found on the side of the road. Police still don’t know who the victim is or even what the cause of death was (autopsy was inconclusive). On the front page of the paper today is this item in regard to the case,
Police are asking whoever is responsible for leaving a dismembered body in a wooded area off South Westnedge Aenue to call them at …, send e-mail to … or write them at . . .
The other item announced new jobs in a local community with this headline,
Three Rivers gets Hummer axle job
We should all be so lucky.
And as bonus, I’ll just finish with the story of the alcoholic judge who has been the talk of the area ever since he crashed his car into a business.
The judge’s story goes something like this — he wasn’t drunk, he was straddling the console of the car to avoid getting mud from his shoes on the driver’s side floor. He pushes the wrong pedal and ends up driving into the store. Then, he flees the scene in the car not to avoid police but to go find the husband of the proprietor of the store. That search is unsuccessful, so he returns home. By this time he’s distraught and has his wife take his blood pressure. His blood pressure is very high, so he pours himself a glass of vodka to calm down. And that, of course, is why police find his blood alcohol level is over the legal limit when they arrive at his home later.
If you’ve ever seen a more bizarre explanation of drunk driving, the police would like you to call them at . . .