This is a truly heartfelt, insightful video featuring Herbert Fingarette, an elderly man contemplating his approaching demise. Midway through the video Fingarette contrasts the positions he took as an academic philosopher with the way he feels as a person approaching death.
He sums up what I imagine most people who have deeply contemplated their own motivations on this topic must come to realize at some level.
I still find that I am, in many ways, a puzzle to myself.