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<div class="bk1"><p><i><small>Are the Spirit and the Flesh one and the same thing? Or are they separate
entities, dependent and at the same time independent of each other? Perhaps
some great Cosmic Law holds this secret. But the one Universal
Element that we can depend upon, apparently, is The Lucky Accident.</small></i></p></div>

<div class="bk2"><h1><b>cogito,<br />
ergo<br />
sum</b></h1>

<h2><small><i>by ... John Foster West</i></small></h2>

<p class="pr1"><b><big>A warped instant in Space&mdash;and
two egos are separated from their
bodies and lost in a lonely abyss.</big></b></p></div>

<p class="cap"><span class="smcap">I&nbsp;think</span>, therefore I am. That
was the first thought I had. Of
course not in the same symbols,
but with the same meaning.</p>

<p>I awakened, or came alive, or
came into existence suddenly, at
least my mental consciousness did.
"Here am I," I thought, "but
what am I, why am I, where am
I?"</p>

<p>I had nothing to work with
except pure reason. I was <i>there</i>
because I was not somewhere
else. I was certain I was <i>there</i>
and that was the extent of my
knowledge at the moment.</p>

<p>I looked about me&mdash;no, I
<i>reasoned</i> about me. I was surrounded
by nothingness, by black
nothingness, a vacuum. Immense
distances away I could detect
light; or rather, I could perceive
waves of force passing around me
which originated at points vast
distances away, vast in relation
to my position in the nothingness.</p>

<p>There were waves of force all
about me, varying in frequency.
The nothingness was alive with
waves of force, traveling parallel
and tangential to each other without
seeming to interfere one with
another. I measured them, differentiated
between them and
finished with the task in a matter
of seconds.</p>

<p>How could I do it? It was one
of the capabilities I was <i>created</i>
with.</p>

<p>What was I? I perceived the
waves of force. I perceived great
quantities of mass&mdash;solid, liquid,
gas&mdash;whirling in vacuum, mass
built up out of patterns of basic
force. I searched my own being,
analyzed myself. I was not gas.
I was not solid. I was not even
force. Yet I existed. I could
reason. I was a beginning, a sudden
beginning. And I had duration
because I knew that time had
elapsed since the moment I
<i>awakened</i> though I had no means
of telling how much time or of
even naming the period.</p>

<hr />

<p>Could I really be <i>pure reason</i>?
Can reason exist? Can rational
entity exist without a groundwork
of matter, or at least of force?</p>

<p>It could. It must. I was rational
entity and I existed. Yet I could
find nothing of force, nothing to
occupy space about my <i>self</i>. For
all I could ascertain, I might have
covered a one-dimensional point
in eternity or I might have been
spread throughout vast distances.</p>

<p>From this reasoning I concluded
that rational entity might
occur either as some force unlike
that of all natural phenomena in
space, or as some combination of
these forces at the moment beyond
my own power to analyze,
even detect. I finished with that
for the time being.</p>

<p>How did I come into being? I
discarded the question as unanswerable
temporarily. What was
I before that instant I suddenly
reasoned <i>cogito, ergo sum</i>? I could
not say.</p>

<p>How did I know I even existed,
really? Obviously because I was
capable of rational thought. But
what was thinking? First it was
perceiving and accepting my own
existence; beyond that, it was
recognizing the dark nothingness
around me and the forces it contained.
I had to exist.</p>

<p>But how did I know nothingness
was right? And how did I
know its darkness was right? And
how did I know the waves of force
were <i>waves</i> and <i>force</i>? And how
did I know matter was <i>matter</i> and
that I was none of these?</p>

<p>"Symbols," I reasoned. "I'm
thinking in symbols. I could not
reason without symbols; therefore
I could not exist as I am without
symbols to think with."</p>

<p>Yet whose symbols were they?
Where and how did I come by
them? I could think back clearly
to the instant of my creation, yet
I had not invented the symbols in
the interim of my existence, nor
had they been given to me. What
then? They were part of me when
I came alive in this universe, had
been <i>invented</i> some other time
and elsewhere by someone else or
by what I was before I became
the entity of reason I now was.</p>

<p>Then that first flash of perception
in nothingness was not spontaneous.
There was something
behind it. I was something before
that moment, in another era
of time, perhaps a creature of
substance. But what?</p>

<p>I concentrated. I remembered
the symbol <i>Marl</i>. I was or had
been an entity <i>Marl</i>. Were there
others back there, somewhere?
There must have been, must be
yet. Was I the only <i>Marl</i> who
metamorphosed into this state of
rational entity? Surely not. Yet
I could contact no other rationale
around me as far away as I could
probe. How far was that? How
could I know. Was it far enough
to reach the other <i>Marls</i>, or were
they scattered thinly throughout
infinity around me like the flecks
of mass?</p>

<p>I was suddenly ill. The symbol
<i>malaise</i> came to me as the proper
description of my malady. I grew
dizzy with my sickness. I wished
to regurgitate, to cast off this
cold, frightening sensation. Yet
I was provided with no physical
means of doing it. It filled me
throughout all my thinking. It
was I. I thought to exist. I
thought depression, sickness.
Therefore I was the malady and
it was a hell of malcontent beyond
symbolical description.</p>

<p>What was wrong with me? I
was frightened. I was concerned
for my existence here alone. What
was it called? The idea shimmered
there on the fringe of perception,
then fairly leaped into
my consciousness. Existing alone
as pure reason was worse than
no-existence, was worse than
dying or never having been at all.
I need another <i>Marl</i>. To exist
happily, I must have at least one
other <i>Marl</i> to communicate with,
to share my thoughts, to share my
being.</p>

<p>Is this a necessity, a condition
peculiar to me as I am, as reason,
or is it a condition that came
across the barrier with me from
that other state? It must be the
latter. An entity of pure reason,
having come into existence as
reason, would need nothing but
himself. Why? Because he would
be <i>without emotion</i>.</p>

<p>"I am <i>emotional</i>," I thought. "I
am entity of almost pure reason,
but I have inherited emotion from
my previous state. It is a disorder
of thought, but it can be a pleasant
disorder when the emotion is the
right one; or, if unpleasant, when
satisfied.</p>

<p>"But I could not have emotions
as I am now. They are <i>cortical
responses</i>, or are supposed to be.
What is <i>cortical</i>? No, they are a
sort of illogical reasoning, nothing
physical&mdash;" The rest eluded me.</p>

<p>"I am lonely," I thought.
"Loneliness stems from fear and
fear is a basic emotion. I am very
lonely. I have been lonely for a
long time, bringing it with me
here. I would rather sate my loneliness
than live to eternity, than
know all there is to know. What
can quell my loneliness? Another
like me, another <i>Marl</i>&mdash;whatever
a <i>Marl</i> is. I must have, must find
another <i>Marl</i>."</p>

<p>I began to search. I darted
frantically about space like a
frightened thing, though I could
perceive no movement. I knew I
passed from one area of space to
another because I could measure
slight changes in the position of
the stars about me. I knew the
points of light were <i>stars</i>.</p>

<p>There was duration. I could
not know how much. Eternity?
A split second? But at last I
discovered another like me. No,
almost like me, but another <i>Marl</i>.
The other entity had less of reason,
more emotion. It was frightened
and lonely. The <i>Marl's</i>
whole existence was that of sickness&mdash;of
loneliness, which is fear.
The <i>Marl</i> was darting about madly,
seeking, seeking a thing like
itself. What was it, like me but
different?</p>

<p>As I came in, I measured our
similarity and differences. Rationally
we were identical, or almost
so. Emotionally we were different,
vastly different. "<i>Marls</i> appear to
exist as rationale and emotion," I
reasoned. "Beyond that I cannot
go."</p>

<p>The other <i>Marl</i> perceived me,
darted frantically toward me, then
slowed. We came together,
touched like&mdash;<i>like two cautious
fish meeting in a dark pool and
touching mouths to substantiate
identical species</i>.</p>

<p>The other <i>Marl</i> was satisfied
with my identity. It leaped frantically
at me, raced around me,
through me, finally stopped, pervading
me, while <i>vibrating</i> in
sheer relief and happiness. I felt
the great fear-loneliness in the
other <i>Marl</i> begin to recede and
in its place came an almost overpowering
euphoria. It was <i>contentment</i>,
and it stemmed from
the basic emotion <i>love</i>. I knew
this at once.</p>

<p>I suddenly realized that I too
was relieved, that I was no longer
sick with fear-loneliness. It was
good, this existing of the other
within me or simultaneously with
me. Or was it I within the other?
It sated our fear emotion and
made, created a love-euphoria.</p>

<p>"I am happy I found you," I
communicated. "I was lonely for
another <i>Marl</i>. You are a <i>Marl</i>?"</p>

<p>The other hesitated, thinking.
"No. I am <i>Pat</i>. I am different
from you. But it is chiefly emotional.
It is good."</p>

<p>"You are a <i>Pat</i>," I returned in
disappointment. "I had hoped to
find another <i>Marl</i>."</p>

<p>"Don't be disappointed," the
<i>Pat</i> soothed. "We are alike, really.
Almost so. Like&mdash;like flame and
gas are both substance yet different.
We are two types of the
same thing. I am no longer
frightened. I am no longer lonely.
You are good for me."</p>

<p>I was relieved because I wanted
to be. I believed the other <i>Marl</i>&mdash;no,
the <i>Pat</i>&mdash;because I wanted
to believe. I did not bother to
rationalize. I felt elation.</p>

<p>"Then in that other time, that
other place we both belonged to a&mdash;a
common group, with another
name?" I suggested.</p>

<p>"I believe so," the <i>Pat</i> answered.</p>

<p>"How was it when you came
awake?" I asked. "Can you remember?"</p>

<p>"I think so. I recall I was born
here in fright because it was all
wrong. I was not in my natural
state, so it was not right." The
<i>Pat</i> paused to think. "I remember
there was great speed and I was
born in fright. Were you?"</p>

<p>"No," I answered. "I was not
frightened at first. And I was
never frightened to the degree you
were. I was mostly lonely, which
is related to fear. But when I
first conceived of my existence
here I was coolly logical. I
awakened <i>reasoning</i>&mdash;realizing
that I existed."</p>

<p>"I suppose it has to do with
our emotional differences," the
<i>Pat</i> beside me or with me or within
me communicated.</p>

<p>"Do you recall where in space
you came from?" I asked. "I must
have been doubting my existence
at first so intensely I did not observe.
You seem to have taken
your own being for granted, thus
you were, perhaps, more observant."</p>

<p>"I&mdash;I think so." The <i>Pat</i> hesitated
and I knew it was observing
the stars around us. "Yes. Come
with me. I think I know where."</p>

<p>I stayed with the <i>Pat</i>, a part of
it, and we lurched through space.
Rather, we ceased to exist at one
point in space and existed in
another. How far? Distances
meant nothing.</p>

<p>"It was here," the <i>Pat</i> informed
me finally.</p>

<hr />

<p>Something was wrong here.
The interweaving waves of force
were all wrong. There was a
disorder, a great cancer in space.
The waves interfered with the
progress of each other all along a
great barrier. It was not natural,
not like it was elsewhere.</p>

<p>"Something is wrong with the
waves of force crossing this area.
They interfere with each other.
New forces are created. Do you
detect it?" I communicated.</p>

<p>"I feel it," the <i>Pat</i> answered.
"It is a sickness in space like&mdash;like
our loneliness."</p>

<p>I knew the comparison was
ridiculous but I let it pass. "You
said you came alive at great
speed. I could have been traveling
too. We must have plunged
into this barrier. It seems to me
that emotions must originate in a
<i>physical</i> being; perhaps reason
could be free, but not emotion.
I don't know. But I have a
theory. I believe our <i>physical</i>
selves still exist somewhere in
space. The barrier, perhaps, interfered
with the normal functioning
of our mental equipment.
We exist at one point in space
and we are thinking, experiencing
emotions at another point. It's as
if our minds are&mdash;are broadcasting
our thoughts and emotions
far away from our physical selves.
Either that, or our rationales were
torn free and only our emotions
are broadcast. Does that sound
logical?"</p>

<p>"Yes," the <i>Pat</i> agreed, "I believe
that is the answer."</p>

<p>I felt that the <i>Pat</i> was pleased
with my theory, that it greatly
admired my reasoning. I also perceived
that it had no idea what I
meant by the explanation. I did
not mind.</p>

<p>"You said you were moving at
great speed," I continued. "Can
you remember the line, the direction
you were traveling in?"</p>

<p>The <i>Pat</i> hesitated only a moment.
"Yes. You perceive the
star cluster there, the triangular
one? My heading was in that
direction, but it was changing
fast."</p>

<p>"Then we could find nothing
by traveling toward the triangular
cluster?"</p>

<p>"No. I was moving in an arc in
the direction of the distorted
square cluster there. Do you see
it?"</p>

<p>"Yes," I answered, knowing
her use of the word <i>see</i> was unconscious.
"That is Cetus."</p>

<p>"Cetus?" The <i>Pat</i> was startled.
"How do you know that?"</p>

<p>"I don't know. The name came
to me. It seemed right to call it
that."</p>

<p>"It&mdash;it's all so frightening!"</p>

<p>I had no time for pampering
our emotions, though I was at
great peace with the <i>Pat</i> so near
me. Time might prove vital.
"Neither would it do any good to
travel in the direction of Cetus,"
I said.</p>

<p>"No. No," the <i>Pat</i> communicated.
"If there is any object of
matter or force I was a part of
in that other existence traveling
through space, it is in an arc.
The best we can do is take an
arbitrary direction between the
triangular cluster and the one
called Cetus and hope to intercept
the object, the other part of
me, whatever it is."</p>

<p>"Come with me," I ordered.</p>

<p>I discovered the object of mass
hurtling through space before the
<i>Pat</i> did. It was symmetrical and
metallic. I tore myself away from
my companion and darted to meet
it. I discovered it was a shell, a
hollow thing, and I passed inside.
There was a room there. There
were projections and circles of
transparent matter. I experienced
the symbol <i>dials</i>.</p>

<p>There were two other creatures
seated close to the dials, things of
matter, and their substance was
protoplasm. But there was no
rationale present in either of them.
I examined the living matter of
the smaller one swiftly. Organs
seemed poised in a suspended
state. The creature I observed,
housed in a protective shell,
seemed paralyzed or dead. I remembered
the word <i>dead</i>.</p>

<p>Then the <i>Pat</i> was with me
again. "I&mdash;I feel something, <i>Marl</i>.
I am frightened. What are they,
those things there?"</p>

<p>"They seem to be&mdash;" I stopped
communicating.</p>

<p>The <i>Pat</i> had disappeared!</p>

<p>The thing of protoplasm nearest
me was moving but I was no
longer interested. I remember the
<i>Pat</i> had touched the upper extremity
of the creature and had
vanished, had ceased to be.</p>

<p>The old sickness was back. I
was lonely. I wanted the other
entity. I could not, did not wish
to exist without the <i>Pat</i>.</p>

<p>I darted frantically about the
metal shell, here and there,
searching, searching. Where was
the <i>Pat</i>? I <i>screamed</i> for it. I
thought <i>Pat</i> as far away as I could
reach, but there was no reaction,
no response at all.</p>

<p>In my frenzy, I was back beside
the creatures of protoplasm
before I realized it, near the one
I had not yet examined.</p>

<p>"Perhaps they took her," I
thought. It was not logical, but it
was a hope. Hope is emotional;
I was becoming more emotional
than rational.</p>

<p>I touched the larger of the two
creatures, experimentally; moved
cautiously inside it, searching,
searching.</p>

<p>Suddenly I was seized by a
great force, an inexorable power
that grasped me and wrenched
me, tearing me from the point in
space I had occupied a moment
before. My perception blurred,
but I was not frightened. Without
the <i>Pat</i> I did not care what happened.
I was intensely curious.
"So this is how it is," I reasoned
in a flash, "to <i>cease to be</i>."</p>

<p>And I ceased to be....</p>

<hr />

<p>Marlow shook his head. I must
have dozed, he thought. He
glanced at the chronometer on the
console ahead. No, only a minute
or two had elapsed since the last
time he had checked.</p>

<p>"Sleepy head! Wake up and
live!"</p>

<p>He looked to his right. Pat sat
in the navigator's seat smiling at
him.</p>

<p>"I didn't sleep, honestly," he
protested. "We hit some sort of
barrier back there. It knocked me
out for a moment. I had the
damnedest impression&mdash;"</p>

<p>"Remember what you promised!"
She swiveled the seat about
to face him. "No more scientific
lectures on the mysteries of space
or I'll return to earth. You know
my poor brain can't absorb it."</p>

<p>"You win," he grinned, running
calloused fingers through his greying
crew-cut. He leaned forward
and kissed her briefly. "How did
an old space hermit like me ever
win a flower-garden bride in the
first place?"</p>

<p>They laughed together, and he
felt secure within the metallic shell
surrounding them, no longer
alone.</p>
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