The Onion: John Bolton Jealous “After Trump Gets To Become Living Biological Weapon”

LOL

Expressing frustration that the president was able to attain what he himself never had, former National Security Advisor John Bolton was reportedly seething with jealousy Tuesday that President Trump got to become a real-life living, breathing biological weapon. “If only I had stayed in the administration, I could’ve been the one to get infected with a deadly virus capable of defeating all of America’s enemies,” said Bolton, growing increasingly incensed that the president had so easily stumbled into such an efficient method of viral warfare.